absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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