kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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