i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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