Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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