he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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