My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
