then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
