Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
