i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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