smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need water and some morals
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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