i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
