if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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