I love black thongs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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