i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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