loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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