Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
