Just cropdusted the office
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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