He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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