i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
