I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
