then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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