I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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