Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
