I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
