is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
