My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
