i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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