i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
