My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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