Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
