I want to walk on stilts...naked
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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