I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
