yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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