He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ttyl tear gas
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You were trust falling into bushes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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