i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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