she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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