I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
