god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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