If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
