How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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