I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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