i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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