Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
