I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
