I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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