Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
