dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
