if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
