Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
