So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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