12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
