I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
