I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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