Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize