i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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