i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
