You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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