South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
