I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
