I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
