I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
