I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
