i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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