WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
