Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need a beard to bite.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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