You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
