I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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